Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
