That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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