His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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