So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
