Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
