If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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