i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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