i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
