Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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