So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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