I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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