my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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