i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
