I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
