I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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