You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
