Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
