Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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