it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
