Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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