I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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