If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
