I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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