She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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