I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
