sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
