I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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