you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
