Just cropdusted the office
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
