maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ttyl tear gas
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
