Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
