My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
