I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
