That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
