At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I supernannyed him into submission
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
