I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
