Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
