So drunk its hurt
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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