do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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