I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
