I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
