Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
