Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
