My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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