And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
