Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
