I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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