just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
