I cannot find my penis.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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