I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
