I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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