last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
