took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
