guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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