There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
