Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
