so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry about my life...