hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!