how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.