I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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