Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?