So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
People in love make me want to vomit
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet