we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.