at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I smell stomach acid.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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