I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
