Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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