Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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