she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
