i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
