It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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