I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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