Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
