if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
