It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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