I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
