Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
