will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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