Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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