So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
