I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
