Four minutes until I can fart!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it glows. i had to have it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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