I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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