My vagina just recognized that song.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
