why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
