I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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