when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
